The Paid Mourner

My name's Remy Lecroix. Working name. The card I hand out says Lecroix Lament, Professional Mourner and Keener, By the Hour or By the Job.

Grandma Mae says I was born for the work. Most people cry because they're sad. I cry because I'm on the clock.

Three seconds to glassy eyes. Five seconds to first tear. Ten and the grandsons start kneeling for the casket. Twenty and a deadbeat son will Venmo what he owes mid-eulogy.

The parlors in Treme call me the Undertaker. Not because I bury anybody. Because once I open my throat over a coffin, the room buries itself.